Coming Soon: April


by The Great White Gypsy

My apologies for slacking on this the last two months, we’ve had our hands full.  April’s looking interesting, but this is filler season between the Oscars and summer blockbuster season, so we’ll see.


Give ‘em Hell, Malone – Directed by Russell Mulcahy, Written by Mark Hosack

Before Resident Evil: Extinction (2007), Russell Mulcahy hasn’t made a big movie since 1994 (yeah, The Shadow wasn’t good…but it was big…kind of).  However, this homage to private investigator film noir looks violent as hell, and entertaining.

Thomas Jane, Doug Hutchison, Ving Rhames, Leland Orser

April 1


The Escapist – Directed by Rupert Wyatt, Written by Rupert Wyatt and Daniel Hardy

This IFC picture debuted at Sundance last year, and has a limited release next month.  Brian Cox is in prison, learns his daughter is terminally ill, and plots a daring escape attempt to make things right before she dies.  IFC generally has strong writing, weak direction, and average acting, but I’ll always give them a shot.  And if you can’t find it in theaters, I’m sure it’s already on Comcast OnDemand.

Brian Cox, Damian Lewis, Joseph Fiennes

April 3


Fast and Furious – Directed by Justin Lin, Written by Chris Morgan

So the original cast is back, and so is the Charger that made me cream my pants in 2001.  The preview looks promising after two horrible sequels.  However, both the director and writer have only been a part of Tokyo Drift, the most pointless one in the series.  This is a studio film, and I’m really hoping they keep the cars flashy, the women naked, and the story simple.

Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster

April 3

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Gigantic – Directed by Matt Aselton, Written by Matt Aselton and Adam Nagata

Newbie writer and director, but a solid cast.  Paul Dano (There Will Be Blood, Little Miss Sunshine) heads this strange story about a mattress salesman’s plan to adopt a Chinese baby.  Goodman looks hilarious, but there’s substance to it.  I’m intrigued.

Paul Dano, Zooey Deschanel, John Goodman, Jane Alexander, Ed Asner

April 3


Lymelife – Directed by Derick Martini, Written by Derick and Steven Martini

I’m not sure how virgin director Derick Martini got Martin Scorcese to executive produce this, but if Marty signed off on it, it’s fine with me.  The cast is interesting if not solid, with an Imaginary Heroes kind of feel to it.  Not a big Jill Hennessy fan, but Rory Culkin seems to know what he’s doing already (at least he’s staying away from Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern).

Alec Baldwin, Jill Hennessy, Kieran Culkin, Rory Culkin, Timothy Hutton, Cynthia Nixon, Emma Roberts

April 8


Observe and Report – Written and Directed by Jody Hill

It could very well be Paul Blart II, but Rogen’s random humor coupled with Faris’ offbeat ridiculousness could turn the rent-a-cop genre legitimate…yeah, not so much.

Seth Rogen, Anna Faris, Michael Pena, Ray Liotta

April 10


American Violet – Directed by Tim Disney, Written by Bill Haney

Based on a true story, newcomer Nicole Beharie plays a single mom living in Texas around the 2000 elections.  Her apartment complex is raided by police task forces, and she is jailed on dubious drug-trafficking charges.  She then attempts to flip it on the system.  The plot screams Lifetime film, but the preview screams Oscar oversight.

Nicole Beharie, Will Patton, Alfre Woodard, Michael O’Keefe, Charles Dutton, Tim Blake Nelson, Xzibit

April 17


Crank: High Voltage – Written and Directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor

The tagline says it all: “He was dead…then he got better.”  Are you fucking serious?  The first movie, although possibly entertaining (Amy Smart getting pounded in the middle of China town was pretty sweet), was freaking retarded.  And now, after falling out of a helicopter to certain death, Jason Statham is brought back to life, but he still has to keep moving.  Did he learn nothing from the Transporter movies?  This film is insulting to America, but saddening to me, because America is actually gonna go see this, count on it.

Jason Statham, Amy Smart

April 17


Sleep Dealer – Directed by Alex Rivera, Written by Alex Rivera and David Riker

In the future, America is a militarized state, and our borders are closed.  However, we still rely on foreign workers through a network of virtual labor and digital communication.  Three young people in Mexico, fed up with the lack of personal contact, attempt to break down the borders of society.  Looks pretty flashy for coming out of Mexico, no big names, but the premise is interesting.

Leonor Varela, Jacob Vargas, Luis Fernando Pena

April 17


State of Play – Directed by Kevin Macdonald, Written by Matthew Michael Carnahan and Tony Gilroy

Mixed feelings.  Kevin Macdonald directed The Last King of Scotland, which I really liked.  Tony Gilroy, even though he only wrote this one, directed Michael Clayton, which I fucking hated.  But with the exception of Ben Affleck, this is like an Oscar Allstar team, and the whole “government cover-up of a politician’s indiscretions” never seems to get old.  That, and I would love to see Gladiator beat the shit out of Gigli.

Russell Crowe, Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren, Ben Affleck, Jason Bateman, Robin Wright Penn, Jeff Daniels, Viola Davis

April 17


The Informers – Directed by Gregor Jordan, Written by Bret Easton Ellis and Nicholas Jarecki

Gregor Jordan hasn’t really done anything of note yet, but Ellis wrote the novels American Psycho and Rules of Attraction, both great stories and cult classic films.  The Informers is another 1980’s period piece about the intersecting lives of L.A.’s elite and down-and-out.  Welcome back, Mickey, we missed you.

Billy Bob Thornton, Kim Basinger, Mickey Rourke, Winona Ryder, Jon Foster, Amber Heard, Rhys Ifans, Brad Renfro

April 24


Mutant Chronicles – Directed by Simon Hunter, Written by Philip Eisner

This has nothing to do with the X-men, just so we’re clear.  Yes, there is a mutant army threatening life as we know it.  Themes of totalitarian religious states and mankind’s struggle to survive overplay Ron Perlman’s weak Celtic accent, and Thomas Jane is a badass.

Thomas Jane, Ron Perlman, Devon Aoki, Pras, John Malkovich, Sean Pertwee

April 24


Powder Blue – Written and Directed by Timothy Linh Bui

This film got a lot of hype on the internet when it was rumored that Jessica Biel, who plays a stripper, will finally be getting naked (stupid WB and 7th Heaven).  However, after all the hoopla, it may not get a wide theatrical release, if it sees the box office at all.  I’m hoping this isn’t another “Nothing but the Truth”, we’ll see.

Forest Whitaker, Ray Liotta, Patrick Swayze, Jessica Biel, Lisa Kudrow, Kris Kristofferson

April 24


The Soloist – Directed by Joe Wright, Written by Susannah Grant

Just because I am including this film again, it will be pushed back to August, because Christopher McQuarrie is out to get me (don’t ask).  Oscar nominee Joe Wright’s rigid, Oscar-cock-sucking style may have relaxed with this true story of a musical genius living on the streets.  I just really want Downey to win an Oscar.

Robert Downey Jr., Jamie Foxx, Catherine Keener, Lisa Gay Hamilton, Stephen Root

April 24

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